Weeding the Garden

Tomorrow Mr. DD and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary. We chose the summer solstice to be married on as a symbol of our love and the productive and promising parntership we were embarking on. Ten years later our love has endured but mid-life crisis and creative stasis are the likely culprits impairing our professional lives. These dark clouds pull us down. At least we are both in a slump. It's harder when one is riding the wave and the other is lost in the tidewater. Like the image above, from a Sam Shepard play I really loved, these times of faithlessness are universal, so southern, so familiar.

Mr. DD and I are both very much like those sleeping plants that will endure neglect almost indefinitely but as soon as the rains come or someone takes it upon themselves to encourage their growth with a wee bit of care and nourishment they flourish. We have tried to be that for each other and that is enough to keep us going but it isn't enough to propel us off the creative plateaus we both seem to be stuck on.

Oh, its a good bet our ideas are worthy of pursuit (have you been to the movies or an art gallery lately?) but there is that existential WHY? What does it really matter one way or the other? Perhaps we aren't hungry enough or ambitious enough anymore. We used to think it mattered and that was enough.

One thing I did about ten years ago was try to cultivate healthier friendships. I had a lot of crazy friends whose lives were always full of drama and as a consequence mine (always behind the scenes) was equally dramatic. These crazy makers were interfering with my work and goals do I decided to make some changes. It was a good thing in the end but it was hard. I just walked away and left the garden behind.

During my 20's and early 30's there were times when I wanted to walk out the door and never look back. I don't miss that. I don't feel like that NOW... well maybe sometimes... a little... but like then, it passes. For one thing I have Mr. DD now and I would never leave him. Together, well, it would be good for us but it wouldn't be easy. He's a native son and all that... his voice is relevant here and we would miss that.