A time for snarking?

Last night Mr. Amieo and I wound up having dinner at a Mongolian restaurant we had been to once before a long, long time ago. It wasn't my idea since I don't like having a huge meal late at night but I wanted to please him since I am usually the general around here so I gave in.

I like the fact that the patron can select whatever ingredients they choose and watch the staff grill it over a large hot donut shaped grill. We were enjoying our meal when we picked up a conversation that had been interupted earlier. A colleague of my husbands (younger with less seniority) will be taking time off work to travel to Hong Kong this fall. Great for him. Close to two weeks away from the office in a place where a dollar still buys something.

I got excited since the two week vacation has been a big no no at his employers and suggested that we try to celebrate out 10th wedding anniversary in Scotland next summer. We were married there in 1996 in Oban. My suggestion was the beginning of a terrible fight that is still unresolved.

He got the most awful look on his face. This happens, I realized last night, whenever I mention the possibility of doing something that requires he take time off from work. (for my art opening out of town, a vacation to Montreal, a trip to see my family - whatever) Its not like he owns his own business or it will affect his income or anything. He just hates asking off from work since they only give him two weeks a year and only a week at a time. It is so %^&% uncivilized. He hates this aspect of it but its the best gig in town for a writer. He has considered doing other things but it his gift. If he were comfortable freelancing that would be fine with me. He has been there 12 years and is so ready to move on but hasn't. He's a Capricorn if that explains anything.

In the meantime, I make my own money and my own schedule. I pay for half of our expenses plus my studio expenses, whatever. Its not the expense of travel that causes us conflict... its the fact that I have a flexible schedule and he doesn't. Thats the way its always been. I've never had a 9-5 job where I had to "punch a time clock" since I've always been an educator when I wasn't a drifting bohemian or graduate student.

I have empathy for his situati0n. I know he is frustrated but how are we to ever make plans if everytime I suggest something good for him, for us, something fun, that requires time off we have a fight? It is tiresome. We have reached an impasse and I don't know what the answer is. I asked him what he wanted me to do to avoid these conflicts in the future. He has no answer for me. He knows I am quite capable and willing to go by myself - via a residency or teaching job... but that becomes something else.

When we left the restaurant I had horrible indigestion. I don't know if it was from the food, the fight or a combination of both. Regardless, our friday night was shot. I hope today is better.