New Mantra

Its usually disappointment or the shock of the new that unravels me. I hate being told no. My dad was very demanding and strict and the answer to most things growing up was always no. It taught me to go out into the world and empower myself. My Dad wonders why his kids all live on different coasts now. He taught us to be independent and self-sufficient. It goes with the territory.

Now, I am reminded of why I left my tenure in 1997 for the life of a recovering academic. Since 2001 I have been teaching the same schedule every semester (as adjunct faculty) at another university - a place I respect. There has been a giant shift in the administration of the department over the past few months and now I have received a letter saying that there aren't any classes for me this semester. Never mind that I received a letter earlier in the summer encouraging people to put in new proposals since there was faculty shortage or the fact that I encouraged friends who have no experience teaching in higher education to give it a shot (they got classes)....

It is a giant wake up call and reminder that in the real world if you need more pie you make more pie. In academia if you need more pie you are forced to take someone elses. It seems I gave mine away without realizing it. Adjunct pay is nothing to brag about but it has afforded me the flexibility I needed to pursue my creative work. I am trying to look at this as a gift. A gift of time to put into other projects... a reality check and reminder that I don't want to become one the numerous bitter terminal adjunct faculty members who give the university 20 plus years of their life with no benefits, retirement, etc.

Of course I have questions....will I be able to make up the income? How? Ebay? Art sales? (unlikely) Who knows? Do I want to look for classes in other departments? It may be inevitable in the long run. Why did I get nixed? (because I applied for the new director's job?) Who knew? I didn't know it was his job nor would anyone ever think he would now be the interim director. The place is a political quagmire at the moment. The last place I need to be.

When I left my tenured position for another job close to my parents (they promised me tenure in a year but I wasn't ready to relocate after it was all said and done...) the secretary of my tenured institution (!) told me I needed to learn how to kiss ass....(!) and I would have an easier time wherever I went...(!)

OHHHHHH! That's the problem, I said...you, know...I was a vegetarian for a large portion of my life and I never liked the taste of ass! So...I am not an ass kisser. I do my job, do it as well as I can...sometimes brilliantly, sometimes I struggle. So much depends on the students - and I am not receptive to ass kissers! There are always students who had rather kiss ass than do thw work and I guess that has worked for them in the past. All I ask is that they do their best and be present and receptive. Unfortunately, for an adjunct faculty member these requirements are not enough. It is a reality check I needed. A wake up call. A gift. (This is my mantra this week.)