words of comfort

Our electricity went out last night along with 43,000 others in our part of the world due to high winds and a utility company that has yet to accept the needs and demands of the 21st C... but that isn't what this post is about. The slipshod routine we've been living during the past few weeks was shattered and as a consequence we spent way too much money sitting at a bar with wifi and while out of my regular loop I misplaced my mobile.

Before we lost our daylight during the last few hours of standard time I spent some time talking to my Dad. He read me a letter my sister sent him maybe a year ago and it just sent me spinning because it was a beautiful letter which expressed my sister's desire to get her life together and for us all, as a family, to be in one place at one time. It was a dream my sister and I shared but as unlikely as Ralph Nader winning the presidential election. Our lives are very different. Spending time with my family is intense... time with us would make the straightest person I know want to drink or take drugs. I don't know why it is so hard... perhaps it is because we are a humorless bunch... or because we rarely medicated ourselves in each other's company??? I've beaten myself up about this and felt depressed about it for more years than I can remember. Finally it became clear that, well, it isn't just us or the people who inspired Faulkner... a dear friend of mine who lives across the country telephoned on Saturday and we spent some time catching up. We grew up together although our families are very different. She is a therapist now and asked me if being with my family had given me any comfort when I went home. When I confessed that no, they hadn't and how it depressed me she went on to talk about how people turn on each other during times of stress and loss. I couldn't believe it to be true but she is a wise woman who has experienced it herself. I have to admit it helped me a bit... putting it in a different perspective.