survival strategies
Tuesday morning I will be meeting a friend/colleague for coffee. I am not looking forward to this rendevous. This is a person who has a great deal of power in the small world I live in. Something has come between us and I am at a loss as to what to do about it.
I will be asked "How are you?"
I could answer: Well, pretty lousy, really...and if I shared why it wouldn't change anything. I would be told something other than what was is exactly true. I woud be told what is believed would be best for me to hear rather than what is real and that will only worsen what is becoming a very fractured friendship.
Its hard, sometimes, having friends who are older, in the same field of endeavor. There is an invisible competetive wall that impairs sincere empathy, joy, etc. I hate it.
All in all, I am coming to the conclusion that artists can be tiresome and I am having a very difficult time. If not a real colleague/friend, then I would love to find a true mentor that I could devote myself to and learn from. Even an agent! Anyone that still has genuine faith in their work and even the work I am doing would suffice. I seem to have lost my art mojo and the genuine support of my friends and peer group. Its a crisis I have witnessed and counseled many friends through but I don't seem to know anyone that can help me get through this. Some of the ones who could have moved on to other worlds, put art on the back burner while they raise children or are too young to have the tools to really get it. Ah, innocence is bliss!
Its a strange place...disillusionment. Sometimes tangible goals can help. It seems a good time to make a list of things that will make me feel better... at least temporarily.
1, Quality Sex!
2. Rental Income from a sane, responsible tennant
3. success in the studio
4. possibilities (opportunities)
5. Trimming off the loose ends
6. Seeing my family
7, Organizing my office
8. Relandscaping my rear garden
9. Painting the planned mural in our powder room
10. Winterizing/cleaning the house and and garden before the end of Sepetember
11.Christmas planning/shopping
12. Automobile maintennance
13. Get a haircut
14. Spend more time with my Beloved
15. Purchace airline tickets and make travel plans for the fall
16. Art fair arrangements
I went to a wedding shower last night for a facinating woman. She has photographed the world and has chosen to settle here. Her presence reminds me that this can be a worthwhile place to hang my hat.
I will be asked "How are you?"
I could answer: Well, pretty lousy, really...and if I shared why it wouldn't change anything. I would be told something other than what was is exactly true. I woud be told what is believed would be best for me to hear rather than what is real and that will only worsen what is becoming a very fractured friendship.
Its hard, sometimes, having friends who are older, in the same field of endeavor. There is an invisible competetive wall that impairs sincere empathy, joy, etc. I hate it.
All in all, I am coming to the conclusion that artists can be tiresome and I am having a very difficult time. If not a real colleague/friend, then I would love to find a true mentor that I could devote myself to and learn from. Even an agent! Anyone that still has genuine faith in their work and even the work I am doing would suffice. I seem to have lost my art mojo and the genuine support of my friends and peer group. Its a crisis I have witnessed and counseled many friends through but I don't seem to know anyone that can help me get through this. Some of the ones who could have moved on to other worlds, put art on the back burner while they raise children or are too young to have the tools to really get it. Ah, innocence is bliss!
Its a strange place...disillusionment. Sometimes tangible goals can help. It seems a good time to make a list of things that will make me feel better... at least temporarily.
1, Quality Sex!
2. Rental Income from a sane, responsible tennant
3. success in the studio
4. possibilities (opportunities)
5. Trimming off the loose ends
6. Seeing my family
7, Organizing my office
8. Relandscaping my rear garden
9. Painting the planned mural in our powder room
10. Winterizing/cleaning the house and and garden before the end of Sepetember
11.Christmas planning/shopping
12. Automobile maintennance
13. Get a haircut
14. Spend more time with my Beloved
15. Purchace airline tickets and make travel plans for the fall
16. Art fair arrangements
I went to a wedding shower last night for a facinating woman. She has photographed the world and has chosen to settle here. Her presence reminds me that this can be a worthwhile place to hang my hat.
posted by "" at 9/18/2005 02:44:00 PM
4 Comments:
Amie:
OK, fine, sometimes we find ourselved up against shadows; sort of having to deal with insubstantiality, you know?
I think lists are a good way to recenter yourself so long as you don't turn the project into completing the list for the sake of the list.
You've taken the brave road. The strength of character required to do what you do is truly inspiring to me - I know, I painted, I stopped, I wasn't strong enough.
Work on the list but don't fail to include studio related items on the list.
Any one can become tiresome regardless of their calling. I find that people in my field get a little stale after a while.
Stay in there. Allow the time to pass and try to be constructive in the mean time.
Remember, when I don't know who I am, I serve you; when I know who I am, I am you.
I think it's a buddhist lesson. Not sure.
Champurrado -
You are a wise man. Maybe you were the buddha's teacher. I am grateful for any lessons that help me cope with these "shadows."
The light will eventually change.
i think you need a little more...
floating on your back while somebody pulls you by your big toe
There is nothing better than floating from one digit in a salt water pool...
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